I've been doing a lot of thinking over these past few weeks, and the thing is, I love to write. Apart from music, it's the one thing that really makes me happy.
Now, I know I'm not the best writer in the world. My style is very often awkward and I have problems with continuity and characterization. In addition, I'm mostly writing in a language that isn't my own. All of that combined means that nothing I write will probably ever be popular. But you know what? It doesn't matter.
I write. I'm a writer. It's what I always wanted to be, it's what I still want to do, and I'm going to keep writing. I admit, I sometimes don't have very much confidence in myself as a writer. But somehow, not even that matters, because I cannot give it up, I never could.
I love it. I will never stop. Even when I'm eighty-five and my hands will be so arthritic that I can hardly type and I need a magnifying glass to see the letters on the screen, I'll still write. Because it's what I do. I will always be writing, I'll always be trying to improve, to get better.
I know that all of it might never go anywhere. I know that my original fiction might never be published. Hell, I can't even write decent fanfiction most of the time. It should feel like a waste of time, but it doesn't, and it never will.
Sometimes, I would like to have other people tell me I'm good at it. Everyone needs that once in a while. But my life doesn't depend on it, you know? It's not why I'm doing it. I write because I want to and because I need to.
I've just had a lot of “What's The Point Of All This?” moments lately and, well, the point is, I can't not write.
So, to quote the amazing Amy Poehler: “I don't fucking care if you like it.”